well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
