He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
