Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
