I think im going to throw up on grandma
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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