You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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