hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
