I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
