My boss' voice literally gives me gas
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There's always time for handjobs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
