its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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