so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
