you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
