you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
