i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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