you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
