i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
