I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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