we're chasing vodka with high fives
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
