It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
