Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
