Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
