Just fell off a train. Bad.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
