Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
