But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
