Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
