have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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