Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
