1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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