I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
