What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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