did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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