That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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