you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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