In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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