So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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