How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
