Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
