so explain again why im purple
no
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
