Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
