he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
