I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
