Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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