I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
