matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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