There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
