I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
