you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
