My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I checked into jail on foursquare
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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