he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
