She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
