i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
