You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can't motorboat a personality
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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