i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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