I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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