Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
