by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
