Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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